to do or not to do :P

(a repost from loveslabyrinth.blogspot.com)

January 10, 2009 - 4:46pm

It's Saturday and it's a fine day. Will be on my restday tomorrow.

I'm currently thinking on how i'll introduce my topic today when i heard this caller in LS FM asking the DJ's Kiko and Dan of suggestions on how can she tell her parents that she's pregnant.

Indeed getting pregnant out of wedlock is becoming a "so common" situation these days (to be honest, i preferred to be a single mom before). But whose to blame? parents? church? school? i dont think so.

as for me i dont like to blame anyone. una sa lahat it was you and your partner's will.

yeah, i'm one of those. i cried. even decided not to pursue with it, stop working and go home in my province. then, i was able to get enough courage to tell my parents. they got mad of course. and wants us to get married asap. we were married thru a lawyer or a pastor i think (haven't check our marriage contract). after nine months of being pregnant, there goes the baby. i was happy that he looks healthy and handsome. my being "happy" was cut short when i started to hate my husband for being so irresponsible and insensitive. i dont talk to him for a day or two when after i ok'd him to go out with his barkadas in a specified time limit and he wasnt able to meet it. the last time we had this kind of situation was last jan4.

he needed to meet his friend because he is borrowing money. of course hindi mawawala ang yayaan sa pag-inom. i allowed him to go out as long as he went home by 2 or 3am because we need to bring LK to his pedia the next day. aba, 5am na wala pa ang lolo mo. he arrived around 6 but i already texted him that i wont be bringing LK to his pedia. it's not that i can't do it alone coz we have a yaya but because i want him to know that his decision of prioritizing his barkadas will always have an impact to our baby.

when he arrived he is trying to explain that nagkaabutan daw yung dalawa nyang barkada (for whatever that means). when he realized that im not in the mood to listen he stopped. we havent discuss this event thoroughly but i'll try to bring this up on one of our "before sleeping disussions".

it's past 11am already and the pedia is only available from 10am till 12nn. he woke up around 1130 i guess and asking why i didnt wake him up. of course i dont answer. he keeps on commanding me to get ready. i dont move.

him: so uunahin pa natin ang tampo-tampo, ang away?

i'm not responding. LK was not brought to his pedia for his scheduled vaccination until Tuesday.

this is the kind of situation where i always contemplate if i had made the right choice and cried non stop. ang choice na ipinagsiksikan ko ang sarili ko sa kanya. ang choice to continue having the baby. ang choice for us to get married. ano kaya nangyari if from the start that i learned i was just his second girlfriend, lumayo na ako?

i asked him once, "hindi ka ba nagsisisi?"

he answered firmly "hindi".