while im cleaning up my outlook, i found this...

kamusta naman?
nadapa na naman ako...
fall in love ba (yikes) heheh
as i told nga to my one kuya, may mas kukomplikado pa pala kay marvin. well, in fairness to him (if its fair hehe) ang long story namin? na-put into words ko na, summarized pa..eto sya (at take note huh, published yan sa online mag namin sa PS, san ka pa?!)
well take a look and read:

of courage and uncertainty

"I think... I'm falling for you..."

Words typically coming out of a man's mouth. But have you ever imagined a girl uttering these words, conveying what they feel for the man they love?

"Yes. I've heard that before," you may say. But what would you feel for this girl after doing such a thing? It's an extremely ecstatic experience if both parties share mutual feelings. On the other hand, what if they don't? How would you react? How the hell would you accept the rejection?

In love, taking a risk is very important. You’ll never know what will happen if you won't even try. Some would rather hold their peace just to avoid any mishaps ...especially losing a dear friend.

Me? I have taken that risk. Once I was a fearless lady who shamelessly confessed my feelings towards a guy who I thought could be the right guy for me. And it was not an easy task, I'm telling you. I had to think it over, analyzing if this was the right thing to do, leaving me tossing and turning every night in my bed and giving me sleepless nights.

Until one day, I got tired of thinking. I decided to make a move... I had to let go of my fears and whatever doubts I’m still holding inside. It’s really crucial…but I have to make that first step. This won't end my life in an instant anyway.

I stuttered and almost choked on the words as I tried to reveal to him my deepest secret. And then there was silence… I found myself staring at him, waiting for the “answer”. Finally, he gave me a smile – could this be the moment I’ve been waiting for? He began to utter words and suddenly, I was dumbfounded. His words peirced through my heart and it almost killed me. I had to grasp for air to live... to survive.

That scene played tirelessly on my mind for months. Inspite of the outcome, I'm still thankful that it’s all over.

Though I learned a lot of things the hard way, it taught me valuable lessons: it made me understand the importance of loving yourself first before anyone else; of conquering your fears; and facing reality.

Indeed there are a lot of uncertainties in life.

hindi pa nga to yung buong kwento eh, isang chapter lang hehe

nway, as of the present... ang gulo nya... pareho kame, para patas. kase kung hindi, hindi ako papayag sa conditions nya. kase sa ngayon, ang lagay namin is friends, eh humirit, pwede daw bang gitna. so suggest ako: sige more than friends, less than lovers. humirit ulit:more than friends, almost lovers, no commitment. sabi ko, ok game, exciting yan

pero ano naman kame ngayon? nag-uusap ba? hindeh! pwede bang umatras na lang ako? mahal ko sya? oo... kaya siguro nabubulag na naman ako, accept everything, no matter what, no matter how.

tanong? bat ayaw nya pang maging kame kahit MU naman lagay namin? natatakot in the future, ano kaya yun? tas prinsipyo nya pa yung he'd better lose a gf than a friend, in which a friend concluded na kaya siguro ganun is: at least pag friends, andun yung openness/closeness, communication. eh pag gf, kpag nagkagalit at nagkahiwalay, totally wala ng communication pag nagkataon, at ayaw nyang mangyari yun.

at ngayon kung nababasa mo man toh, sorry... nahihirapan lang akong mag-adjust... sayang, im afraid you wont be the man that im looking for to be with me for the rest of my life. eh hinahanap ko man din sana ngayon yung guy na for serious and final relationship na. im afraid, maghahanap na lang ulit ako ng iba, kung hanggang sa ngayon natatakot ka pa rin sa takot mo.at siguro nga, hindi pa rin naman ako ang hinahanap mo, kaya wala ka pa rin sa mood mag-seryoso. goodlak sa tin!